[READ] Why Dating In First year In University Can Be Much More Of A Con Than A Pro

The university is an institute of higher learning, much more rigorous than the high school or secondary school. The demands are more strenuous and therefore time management becomes key to one succeeding and any slight distraction if not managed properly can lead to a mismanagement of time and/or bad choices that may not yield positive results for a student.

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Most students graduate from high school within the age bracket of 16-18. These are formative years with high hormonal drive and the quest for adventure. Students within this age group see the university as a means of freedom from parental control, an avenue to meet people, especially those of the opposite sex and just have unrestricted fun away from the rules and strictness of the high school. So this is the mentality that most people enter their freshman year with and it can be destructive to one’s progress and success in the university.

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In this article, I want to highlight why dating in your freshman year can be much more of a con than a pro. When you get a boyfriend or a girlfriend at that early stage, you would have issues with management of time. All you think about is being a boyfriend/girlfriend, you spend time trying to make your partner happy, you are always in each other’s company. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with all these but not at your stage because while few may be able to juxtapose both aspect of their lives successfully, most can’t at that stage. If you are a junior or senior it would be much easier to decipher when to be with bae and when to be with your books, in essence you would know how to prioritize. I would use myself as an example even though I never dated in my first year but I am a senior now and I am dating but I know that while my bae is important, my books are my priority. However, because I want to spend time with bae I find a pattern of dividing my day/week into a sequence that fits both aspects of my life. During the week I face academics squarely, I hardly spend time with bae during the week, we talk on phone, go for dinner together once in a while but I spend most of the week days facing my academics. During the weekends I face bae, of course I may have exams and tests the following week so I can’t be all about bae, I may have assignments or papers due as well. So in such a scenario, I go to the library during the day on Saturday/Sunday and sometimes even Fridays and I work on my stuff, then at night when I have dispensed with every academic work, I spend time with bae. This way my relationship doesn’t suffer and neither does my academics which at the moment is the most important.

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Now if I was a freshman I would go running to bae whenever he gets lonely, I won’t be able to say “babe I have school stuff, can we see a bit later”? This won’t even occur to me because am all about the relationship at that stage. My hormones which are in overdrive are simply excited about being in a new environment with a new exciting relationship. Some may make an effort to study, but because they don’t want to leave each other’s company, they would both go to the library to study together. I feel the need to pause and clarify that there is nothing wrong with having a reading partner, matter of fact it is very productive mostly. I always read alone but I have reading partners for particular courses that I find I understand better when I have someone tackling it with me. However, this is not the same when your reading partner is someone who makes your heart palpitate. Why? Because you would be busy wondering, do I look okay? Is he thinking about me? What’s going on in her mind? Why is that person looking at my bae? And so on and so forth. Meanwhile you are supposed to be wondering, what chemical equation can be used to calculate the moles of the substance, what is the formula for calculating force, what is Newton’s 3rd law of motion etc. Your brain can’t shut out your hormonal impulses and so you are just in front of your book or your laptop but you are digesting nothing in the academic field. Unproductive!!!

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Furthermore, you are dating means a higher pressure to get into sexual relations. I am not one to dictate when an individual should start having sexual relations; it is totally up to the individual. So this is not me trying to chastise one for having sex at an early age, no. I am rather trying to point out how it could mess with your academics. When you get involved sexually, your emotions are even more involved, you are even more vulnerable. You go to class and all you’re thinking about is last night’s trysts with bae, you don’t even realize when your professor throws a question at you because you are inwardly drooling. You are absolutely not matured enough for that kind of involvement. Of course as with everything we may find those who can manage things of sort with expertise and maturity but generally it’s best to wait till you are a bit more mature. In the situation where one of you wants sexual relations and the other isn’t ready we could have unpleasant cases of rape, it has happened and is still happening. This is because you are always with bae and you are teasing his senses (I am making a direct referral to the girl teasing the guy, because hello…most cases of rape involves the guy doing the raping, no stereotype or anything just mere facts). He may force himself on you one night and you may even be a virgin, take it from me, nothing will mess with you like something of sort. It’s best if you had just faced academics!!

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Then imagine if that relationship goes awry, you get heartbroken, you break up. All you see is how hurt you are, you have no zeal to read, do assignments, write your papers and even when you do, you make half hazard attempts which would earn you an unpleasant grade. Much more can result from dating at that early stage. So it’s best to ABSTAIN…LOL.. till you are a bit more mature. I know dating is fun, it can even be heart-melting but hey… you are in school first and foremost for your academics, everything else is secondary.